Before You Join The Calabar Dick Hunters Mob… BY AGBA JALINGO

In Breaking News, Opinion

Before you go and mob innocent people, let us reason together. The dick is the source of life in our bodies because it brings out the sperm that fertilizes the ovary. It is a tool of interest to everyone including ritualists. The prevailing thick rumor that dicks have been missing randomly in Calabar, our State capital via handshakes, comes with mixed feelings.

This narrative is given a tissue of credence with accompanying videos of the supposed victims crying for help and street mobs, forcing accused persons to return the ‘snatched’ dicks right there on the streets. Some accused persons have made it to the Police stations and have been released after the Police concluded that the allegations were all false.

Regardless of what informs your position on this matter, let us use our brains and see. The dick may be the most crucial external part of our body to initiate procreation, so we all panic easily when it is threatened. However, there are two other equally important external organs without which that vital role of the dick becomes null and void, which are, the vagina and the breast. The vagina takes in half of the life that the dick offers. Life is completed through that channel and when it is finally birthed, the breast immediately takes over, and so on and so forth.

That is the tripartite that formed most of us. I think it is the reason why, every time those who do human body parts rituals, be they, Christians, Muslims, or Traditionalists, they always go for those three parts of the body and the eyes, which are the receptacles of light into our body. They, too, still have to actually lure or waylay victims into their traps and kill them, to harvest the organs. Not by handshakes on the streets, which would have been easier and more risk-effective. Allegations of the disappearance of victims or body parts by street handshakes have been prevalent for a long time. But none has actually been proved beyond hear say.

Anytime there is an allegation of a snatched dick, it is not the job of a street mob or online mob or preacher or girlfriend or wife or relative of the victim, or even the victim himself, to give us confirmation. Methinks that the people certified to confirm or dispel such claims are government agencies and health practitioners, who will conduct tests and determine, whether the organ was working and the size prior to the incident, whether it stopped working during or immediately after the incident, and whether it started working after the incident. This hasn’t happened in any of these Calabar incidents.

As far as the alleged missing dick has not disappeared from eyesight or touch, and the only claim of snatching is that it became cold or hot and then shriveled, then the claim of snatching remains unproven, until confirmed by health providers after medical tests. There is a legion of medically proven reasons why dicks shrivel. Several of them. But there is not a handshake amongst them. If you also have a small phallus that is shaming you, see a doctor. Don’t use it to stir mob violence. It is easy to use it because we haven’t known the size since you were born.

Anyone will rarely allege that her vagina was snatched by a street handshake because they can’t show such false claims that it has shrunken or decreased in size, unlike the dick that does. Claims of snatching breasts are also scanty because we all know how your breasts have been looking all the while. Even if you use the mob style, you will find it difficult to claim the breast shrank after a street handshake. But because the dick is tucked in between our thighs and no one knows the size before, any freak with a brain wave can jump up and claim his was snatched and sling it in our faces with tears on the face knowing that a deeply religious society like ours will have no qualms swallowing such garbage with relish.

This characteristic trait of ours is not different from those who use witchcraft branding to kill women, the old and aged in our communities in Cross River. This barbaric challenge is still on the front burner in our State with numerous unresolved cases and we should be careful not to give impetus to another backward thinking. How a deeply religious society that mouths an all-powerful God quickly relapses to the prowess of diabolism remains a witty contradiction for me. It is also a blunt denial of the power of the faith you profess. But we must desist from this 13th-century thinking and understand that, the life inside a dick is higher than a handshake.

Citizen Agba Jalingo is the Publisher of CrossRiverWatch and a rights activist, a Cross Riverian, and writes from Lagos.

NB: Opinions expressed in this article are strictly attributable to the author, Agba Jalingo, and do not represent the opinion of CrossRiverWatch or any other organization the author works for/with.

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