Twenty-nine-old Victor Adung, who is searching for his mother from whom he was separated since he was an infant, tells OPEYEMI ADEFEMI of Punch Newspaper what he has been through.
Please tell us about yourself.
My name is Victor Adung. I am from Cross River State. I am 29 years old. I just graduated from the Federal Polytechnic Ilaro. I am awaiting call-up for national youth service.
You recently made a social media post about searching for your mother, whose picture you also posted. Have you made any headway or received any form of assistance since you made the post?
I made the post last week and I have been getting different comments and suggestions on what to do, but I haven’t got anyone saying they have any information about her.
You said you’ve lost your father. How old were you when he died?
I was 23 years old then.
Are you the only child between your father and mother?
Yes, I am the only child they had together.
Did your father remarry?
No, he didn’t but he had a relationship at some point but they didn’t have any child together.
Were you close to your father while he was alive?
We were not that close because I only got to know him when I was 10 years old. I was in a different location because after my mother left me – one of my aunts took me to the village. I was in Cross River State while he was in Lagos working. He worked with DHL. At a point he lost his job and he had to move to Cross River State. I was seeing myself through school and we were not that close. Someone promised to sponsor my education, so I had to leave Cross River State.
All through his life, he never bothered about me. In fact, I didn’t even know him until someone introduced him to me as my father. I was asked to go live with him but he was not a caring man. I don’t think he wanted any child even when I had already turned 10 years old. He did not take care of me and we were not friends. He was not that responsible. I don’t know what could have been the cause of this.
Were you by any chance able to ask him about your mother?
When I asked him about my mum, he got angry. He told me that if I wanted to see my mum, I should give him money. He said I would have to give him money for transportation, feeding and hotel accommodation before he could go in search of her.
Why do you think he behaved like that or failed to tell you much about your mother?
I don’t know. He was so upset when I asked about her. It was after his death in 2016 that I got very little information about my mum from my paternal relatives. My uncle’s wife whom my parents lived with told me she could recognize my mum. She gave me my mum’s old picture.
You said your dad’s family took you away from your mother. Who exactly did that and did they tell you the reason they did that?
Yes, I was taken to the village by one of my aunts. According to them, when I was eight months old my mum left me alone at the house while everyone had gone to work. They returned from work and met me crying. No one knew where she went to. That got them angry and they decided to take me to the village. They didn’t try to look for her and they didn’t have a phone as of then. Because my mum was someone who moved from Edo to Lagos as of that time, no one knew any member of her family. I was told that she later came to look for me but I was already taken to the village. They told her to give them money so they could take her to the village where I was. She left and never returned.
What were you told made your mother abandon you and left in the first place?
I suspect that things were not rosy between my father and mother at the time. She might have left in search of shelter with the hope that she would return to take me with her. But my dad’s family vowed that my mum would never see me again because of the way she left me. That could be the reason why my father refused to tell me about her or tell me her whereabouts. The only information I have about my mother is from my aunt, who knew her in person and gave me her old picture.
Where is that your aunt now?
She lives in Ikorodu (Lagos). Sometimes I call her but I have never been to her house. I don’t want to bother her with my troubles.
Besides giving you your mother’s photo, did she tell you anything about her?
She told me my parents met in Lagos and had a relationship. She said my parents were never married. She said when my mum got pregnant, my dad told her he was not ready to raise a child. He suggested abortion but my mum refused. Things went south between them after my birth. My aunt told me that my mum’s name is Juliana. She said she is from Edo State. My aunt said she knew my mum in person. They used to live together with my late uncle who was a military officer and was living at Ikeja at that time.
Doesn’t your aunt know where your mother is from in Edo State?
She said she doesn’t know. She told me she once did a newspaper publication in search of my mum but she didn’t get any lead on her whereabouts. Right now, I am the only one serious about looking for my mum. My father’s family don’t think it is necessary. They told me to forget about her; they said she didn’t care about me. As it is now, I don’t have any of my parents. I have been getting assistance but I still feel like I have a parent somewhere.
What kind of assistance have you been getting?
I got assistance when I was in school but the person and I had a misunderstanding and I had to continue sponsoring myself.
Apart from posting her photo, what other efforts have you made in your search of your mother?
Since I don’t have so much information about her, not even her surname or village, I feel there is a limit to what I can do. The only other thing I have been doing is going to spiritual places like meeting prophets to see if maybe they can find something about her.
What kind of spiritual places have you visited and what did they reveal to you?
It is actually prophetic churches. It is not just one but several places. Each of these locations have their own protocols . Before one gets in touch with the prophet, one has to do this or that and buy one or two things from their spiritual store and even drop money. There was a time I almost switched from church to the traditional way. I did not meet the person (herbalist) physically; it was just a recommendation and I only sent money to him to do some findings but what I heard from him was not satisfactory. After giving him the money, he said he consulted his oracle, which revealed to him that there was a spell that needed to be broken. He told me to send money to buy ingredients for sacrifice. He also mentioned that my mother was still alive but said she wouldn’t remember me because, according him, my father’s family did something to cause a spiritual separation between my mother and me. He said with what they did, my mother wouldn’t even ever think of me or look for me. I don’t really believe him though. I am only aware of the physical separation, not the spiritual one.
Can you possibly estimate how much you have paid these various spiritualists in your search for your mother?
I won’t want to disclose such amount but everything involves money.
How hopeful are you that you will someday meet your mother?
I am very hopeful. I just have the belief that she is somewhere out there. I just want some information about her because I need to make some decisions. To be honest with you, I was not really welcomed in my dad’s family. While I was growing up and I made mention of my mum, they told me negative things about her. Even if I am to believe those things I was told about her, how did they care for me as an only child of my parents? The personal experience I had with them makes me doubt whatever they told me about my mother. It makes it difficult for me to believe them. That is the more reason I want to see my mother. How come I don’t have anyone to give me a lead or information about my mother? That is why I have been visiting spiritual places.
How exactly will you feel or what exactly will you do if you set eyes on your mother today?
I don’t think I will be able to explain the feeling. I just know that I will be very happy to see her. If someone shows up as my mother, I will have to take her to my aunt for identification or we run a DNA test to confirm if she is truly my mother.
You said you just graduated from Ilaro Polytechnic. What do you do at the moment?
For now I am not doing anything. I should be in NYSC camp next week. I am expecting my call-up letter this week. When I was in Ogun State, I was running a business which I won’t want to disclose but it is not something that is mobile. I am currently in Abuja and I don’t have customers here yet. I used to work with Dangote Cement. I do laundry too.