In a week of constant bombardment from the ever vocal political crew of ‘change’ and ‘transformation agenda’, I was drawn to a picture on the timeline of a Facebook friend.
The picture is of the banner of one of the popular churches in Calabar declaring to passers by that ‘I must get married this year! Being the theme of one of its upcoming program.
While I don’t have any problem with what a religious leader or group choose to be the theme of its sermon, declarations and sermons like this are most times avenues for extortion, brainwashing of the desperate and a means of not just promoting the constant stigmatization of the unmarried, but the reinforcement of the hell our society make them go through.
Services of this nature begin with the preacher telling the desperate single (read ladies) how miserable they are in their ‘singleness’, how it is a sin to be single or divorced as the case may be, how the lack of a male figure in their life is worse than having Ebola thereby propping up memories of dejection, agony, despair and anguish that has become constant in their lives due to society’s stigma.
Their minds will become fertile ground to plant the seed of gullibility. These woe-be-gones are then told to fast, pray, sing, buy this and that, inclusive of parting with some of their hard earned cash to receive blessings of a macho, tall, rich and handsome man, who will complete their ‘humanness’ till death do them.
For the avoidance of doubt, I am not against marriage, but with no iota of fear in being termed an iconoclast, I am against the ‘Pentecostal’ equation of marriage to happiness.
Especially, with the manifold incessant cases of wife battering and divorces that have found their way into the media because society has made all believe that marriage is an el dorado where all sadness and worry disappears, where with some few kids you are on course to have your name written in the sands of time. Lies!
I am sure you have lots of problems (apart from marriage) that bother you. Marriage guarantees a multiplication of those problems with attendant headaches.
If your desire for marriage is to have children, remember that no one will remember you by the number of children you had when you leave to the great beyond. How many people know the children/child of Einstein, Aristotle, Mother Theresa?
But the above names are indelible in history. You don’t need a carbon copy of yourself to be a happy person. Do not let any religious bigot tell you otherwise.
Even if you really need a child, understand that marriage has never been an exclusive ‘baby making sector’, as there are other means of acquiring children. Before I am accused of promoting promiscuity, there are thousands of children waiting for adoption, and you get no less joy from raising one. Marriage is not the only means to parenthood.
Ladies, do not buy into society’s hogwash about ‘scarcity’ of men, nor the idea that being a single mother is a crime. Do not buy into society’s aspersion that divorce is for outlaws. Do not be yoked with religious bigots who think less of you because you have not yet adopted another man’s name. Do no listen when they say you will die lonely (read about Mother Theresa) and that you need a family (did you fall from the sky?) to live a happy and fulfilled life.
These are all measures to subject you to society’s standard and an avenue to promote women oppression (they suffer this most). Your pastor, friend, even parents won’t be the ones to live with the decisions you make. Make them and stand your ground.
This article has become necessary as women are being made to suffer and groan under society’s critical eye.
They are afraid of speaking out about marital abuse for fear of being termed ‘outcast’ and ‘rejects’.
There are thousands of women who have become desperate due to the constant ‘when will you get married?’ they have been ask.
Is marriage good? Yes.
Is it necessary? To some.
Is it a must for everyone? No.
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