And I Failed The Aptitude Test… BY AGBA JALINGO

In Breaking News, Columnists, National News, Opinion, Politics

aptitude test

Every administration marks out certain policy direction it intends to pursue with vigour following the ideological and political drive and colouration of the Chief driver and mover of such administration.

Whatsoever policies it introduces that have never been practised by past regimes are given such impetus because the Chief Executive has a clear picture of what he intends to achieve, how and for what intent he seeks to achieve them.

Recently when the Governor of Cross River State, Senator Benedict Ayade came out with a directive that Commissioner nominees and some other category of nominees will undergo aptitude tests to determine their preparedness to fully key into the entire developmental vision of the governor, there were mix feelings across the country and among nominees hopeful, their supporters, family members and other Cross Riverians of the intention of the Governor Ayade.

While some viewed the policy as a step in the right direction that will bring the best of hands to bear in the administration of the state, others like me felt that it was a policy targeted at humiliating the potential nominees.

So, I took on one of the “Oga at the top” in the Ayade’s administration who had access to the questions because I gathered the governor instructed that the questions must be kept secret and the test too was done without any noise.

Hear us:

Jalingo: Oga, this una aptitude test na another style to humiliate appointees o. How will professionals in their field be asked to write an aptitude test as though they are hunting for a job. Will the Commissionership be advertised in the papers for applications?

Oga: The thing is that you will ask questions when there are things you don’t understand. The test is to measure the problem solving skills of the nominees and test how they will be able to respond to pressure on duty. Even you sef, if I throw you some of the questions, you may not get them right.

Jalingo: Oga that is not possible. I go pass unless you ask me about Mars or Jupiter. Oya!

Oga: Ok. Are you ready?

Jalingo: Yes Sir.

Oga: Between 10kg of Iron and 10kg of feathers, which one is heavier?

Jalingo: Iron

Oga: You are wrong. 10kg is 10kg. It could be a small bar of iron that is the 10kg and even 30 bags of feathers too that may make up the 10kg but I said 10kg and 10kg. You see that you have failed number 1. You think you are smart abi. Let me ask you the second one.

Jalingo: Aaaaaaah, Ok sir.

Oga: 100 passengers boarded a plane from Ghana to Nigeria, 50 of the passengers are Nigerians while the remaining 50 are Cameroonians. The Plane crashed exactly at the boundary between Nigeria and Cameroon, where will the survivors be buried?

Jalingo: Bury them at the site in Cameroon.

Oga: See you? You have failed again because you were not paying attention. The moment you heard plane crash, you did not pay attention to notice that what I asked was survivors and not the dead. You don’t bury survivors, they proceed for treatment and then go home. This kind of question will tell you whether the nominee is an attentive person or not. A very important quality for public office. So you see it is not about the profession. You must do headline news about yourself too oo. That Jalingo fails Ayade aptitude test.

Jalingo: Ah, oga this is serious o. so I don’t fail two questions now now. Make I try the third one sir.

Oga: Ok. Listen and pay very good attention because you have failed questions that even my son can answer one hand. I will not read the question twice so listen attentively. Imagine that you are alone in a wild forest without any type of weapon, and you see a lion charging at you and running after you until the lion gets very close to you, what will you do to stop that situation?

Jalingo: Hmmmmm, let me think because I must not fail this one o…

Oga: Time is going o. If you were in the test now, your time would have finished by now.

Jalingo: Ok. Will you climb a tree or just allow the lion to eat you up oooo

Oga: (bursts into laughter) see that you have also failed this one too. The answer is that it is an imagination. So you stop imagining. The first word in my question was ‘IMAGINE’. That is what it was, an imagination so you just stop the imagination.

Jalingo: Oga that one na ojoro answer. That answer is subjective because the imagination had already created a real life situation.

Oga: Noooooo, you failed that too. Now let me ask you the last one and I will not give you the answer. You will keep the answer to yourself whether you pass or fail.

Jalingo: Ok sir.

Oga: Why are all manhood or if you like call it womanhood, why are they all round?

Jalingo: The same manhood that we know or you mean something else?

Oga: Yes, the same one….

Jalingo: Ok. It’s because the earth is round…

Oga: The earth is spherical, it is not round…

Jalingo: Oga, the manhood abi na womanhood sef is not round na, there are spherical too.

Oga: I told you I won’t give you that answer so you sort that out yourself. But don’t forget to do the story that you sef failed the aptitude test. You can now see that the first question to the last question demands that the nominees should be able to have more than average IQ ,they should be people with problem solving skills, people who would be proactive and do things without being told to do so and do them correctly too. It requires that people should act fast to solve problems or handle situations, be critical in their thinking and respond timely to emergency situations.

So that was how woeful I performed in the aptitude test and thank God I was not a nominee because I heard a lot of people made the examiners to laugh very well with their wrong answers but plenty still scaled through.

But this will come as bad news to some quarters who had already started touting my name online as one of the nominees. And I must tell you that the joke was taken as far as people calling me and congratulating me for my appointment.

Some had even started praying for me and telling me how we are going to implement all the ideas they had in their cup boards all these years and so on and so forth plus the surplus facebook friend requests for the latest commissioner.

Unfortunately, your Comi Comi failed his aptitude test. He will not be Commissioner unless you people will carry placards and beg Governor Ayade to give me another test.

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