Though people grieve differently, one factor common to all of us is that after a loss, denial kicks in.
Whether it is after we lost a loved one, a contract, an opportunity or a court case, we immediately go into denial mode. That’s the time we suddenly feel like we didn’t hear exactly what the doctor said.
We begin to argue; “the doctor said papa is gone na, he didn’t say papa is dead. No, papa is not dead; he is gone. Just gone. He is coming back.”
Or if it is a court case, the lawyers and clients will start arguing: “there is no consequential order. The judge never said the land should be given, he said it should be taken. So, since it should be taken without being given, it cannot be taken unless the judge said it should be given.”
Trust me, it’s a tough time. We have all been there.
Those days when we wait for a dead loved one to come back; we were so sure papa will walk in even after we had buried him. Those cold nights you wished your phone will ring and it will be him even though you know he has left you and is now married to someone else.
We have all been there.
I can’t explain why we all go into denial in such times, but I know that denial is part of the healing process.
Some live out this period of denial silently. Some curse, wail, scream and break things.
When someone breaks up with you, they gather every lie they can lay hands on about you, they soak up these lies and believe them … This consoles them from the fact that they lost a gem in you. When you are confronted with these lies, don’t defend yourself; show them love one last time, let them believe the lies about you, its part of their healing process.
Please, let them heal. Give them space for that tough period of denial. This is their night; but their morning will come: what will be, will be.
Quod scripsi, scripsi – mene, mene, tekel, upharsin.
Firsts Baba Isa (FBI) is an Ogoja born Lawyer based in Abuja.
NB: Opinions expressed in this article are strictly attributable to the author, First Baba Isa and do not represent the opinion of CrossRiverWatch or any other organization the author works for/with.
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